A Girl’s Life Lessons Learned in Style
I was on a train not that long ago and started to analyze my recent past only to realize that in the last couple years I have done some pretty cool things that the “old me” would have never considered capable of accomplishing. I went abroad, I donated twelve inches of my hair (twice), kept a personal blog, learned to cook and bake, traveled alone, opened myself up to new things and in a certain essence changed who I was, all thanks to a break up.
“The” break up was one of those “Yeah, I’m doing great!” then go cry in the shower, barely want to eat dinner kind of deals. For weeks I thought it was the end of all ends but some time around the end of Love Actually and the bottom of my Ben and Jerry’s I realized that I had become the kind of girl that I normally couldn’t stand to be around. At all costs I usually try to avoid the whiny, super-dependent girls who can’t live without a boyfriend’s re-assurance 24/7. I needed to be my own person, to stand on my own for awhile but it took me a little longer to figure out how to get started.
It began with a list.
I wanted to stop focusing on him and instead focus on myself. I figured that even though this relationship didn’t work out and there were faults on both sides, it didn’t change the fact that I was still my own person with my own future. I wanted to become the best person I could be in all facets of my life not only so that I could feel strong and confident on my own but also so that later I might make better decisions on who was deserving of my new, fabulous self. This list is not just about break-ups, everyone is deserving and capable of becoming and re-inventing the very best version of themselves whenever they feel like it!
First on the list
1. Get a New Look
This step is by no means necessary (and I might have been a little extreme) but after one break-up I pierced my ear and in another I cut 12 inches off my hair and felt like a new person. Believe me, in the deepest of slumps even if you just paint your nails or get highlights it will create a fresh start that you’ll be excited about!
2. Create a bucket list
On mine I put short-term and long-term goals to work towards.. here are a few random examples.. don’t laugh..
-be amazed by something every day
-fly a plane
-cook a seven course meal with all original recipes
-become really good at yoga
-try to eat healthy but more importantly always savor what you eat regardless
Some on the list might take a whole life-time to accomplish but they’re on paper which makes the goals real and puts me one step closer to achieving something previously thought to be an impossible dream.
3. Be happy in your own body
I started jogging on the beach, eating more fruits and vegetables and spending time with people who made me feel good about being me. It meant cutting out some of the toxins in my life both mentally and physically but also helped me to see just how much happiness depends on the decisions you make for yourself. I stayed away from gossip and people who would bring me down and instead focused on what made me feel healthy and happy and started to gravitate more towards those things. This was probably the hardest step to actually do.
4. Spend some time alone
I went to cafes to read books by myself, saw a movie alone, went on two trips solo, challenged myself to ask for the cute guy’s number and to essentially do little things that scared me every day. I pushed my limits and took risks that to most people may be second nature but for some reason used to frighten me. This meant being the one to call for reservations (I hate the phone), to go to the gym (I hate working out in front of strangers), introduce myself to new people, admit my mistakes, learn a new language and do things that exposed me to uncomfortable situations with no one but myself to depend on. This part is crucial because once I became happy just being by myself, facing my fears and accomplishing things that I once didn’t believe I was capable of fulfilling, I found the me that I was proud to be.
5. Buy an outfit that you look hot in and wear it out with your friends
Some key items?
-Little black dress
-Comfortable but stylish wedge heels
-Fun rings and bangles
-Nice lingerie (no one has to see it but you know it’s there)
I’ve tried the ice cream, the 80‘s movies, and the long talks with my best friend but the list is the only thing that has never failed me in getting over a guy. At the end of the list it’s not about him, the wrong ones will come and go, and instead it becomes about the one life you have to live.. the one where your biggest regret will be that you didn’t take enough risks, or watch enough sunrises or buy those gorgeous shoes you’d wanted for months! Taking pride in the fact that we can always be better and deserve more and work harder isn’t exhausting, it’s inspiring. The list is just a start..the rest is up to you!
These two aren’t moping around after their recent break ups...