The jury that sits in my head making decisions about my opinions on fashion trends is still out on the retro high-waisted swimsuit bottoms that have become popular this summer. Sure, they’re great if you have a little something extra you want to cover up down there and they look fabulous on some people. But let's be realistic. Those “some people” are a very rare and endangered population of willowy twig people who reside in the hip pages of Free People magazines. Also, imagine the awkward tan lines…ruins all crop top possibilities. But I digress.
One thing the jury is not out on, is long bandeaus. Let it be known that that is not their official name. After some serious research, I have concluded that they don’t actually have a real name, although they’re sometimes called long line bikini tops. They’re really just bikini tops that are slightly longer than the normal "only boob" covering ones. In keeping with the jury theme of the article’s opening, there was a unanimous vote that this new summer style is guilty of being fab! And yes, I do hate myself a little for that cliché but it seemed necessary…
Now before any of you jump down my throat about the title, I’d like to acknowledge that I’m aware not all of the following styles are bandeaus. In fact, most aren’t, but "Bitchin’ Bandeaus and Other Long Bikini Tops in Assorted Styles That Sometimes Have Straps" really just didn’t have the same ring to it.
I first became aware of this style through the ultimate trend informant that is Facebook. A friend of mine posted some pixxx of the bestiezz at da beach omg <3 <3 <3 summah 2012 and they were all rocking long bandeaus like nobody’s business. All summer long, I’ve been seeing the high-waisted bottoms but not their top counterparts, and frankly it was quite refreshing. Now that I think about it though, most of these styles harken back to the tankinis I wore as a tween. I fought and fought with my mother to pay more money for less fabric and now that I have free reign to wear skanky bikinis, I’m gravitating to these less revealing suits. Okay, let's be honest, they don’t cover up that much more, but no Mom, the irony is not lost on me. I’m not sure what this reverse modesty means but I’m sure some psychological pop-culture analysts would have a lot to say about it.
Without further ado, here are some bitchin’ bandeaus that will keep the modest “covered”, the trendy trending, and most importantly, prevent anyone from being convicted of having poor taste.
Underwire Corset Top, freepeople.com, $49.95
So this corset top from Free People isn't exactly that long or a bandeau, but it has other bitchin' qualities like the fact that it is wicked cute!
Seafolly Gingham Long Line Bustier Bikini Top, asos.com, $61.31
Look how long this is! Look how good it looks! Polyvore for the win! (They also get the credit for the next featured top.)
Turquoise Striped Long Line Bikini Top, debenhams.com, $31
Okay so I probably should have started out with this picture considering it is exactly what I meant by a long line bitchin' bandeau but I didn't feel like it, so here it is third. First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the treasure chest...? I guess that could work for this...
ASOS Blue Pansy Long Line Cupped Bikini Top, asos.com, $29.83
ASOS, responsible for this and the next suit, truly knows how to make a long swimsuit top.
Tavik Frill Long Bikini Top With Pastel Floral Print, asos.com, $74.57
I have very little to say about this one except for the fact that it is fabulous, looks like bubble gum and fairies and being a little kid, and I want it.