The age when girls begin to start getting criticized for their weight is no longer when they reach puberty; it's earlier and earlier, and that's scary. It doesn't seem to be good enough; either you're too skinny, getting chunky, have too many muscles, your body figure isn't quite "right". And it's not just society that reminds us what we should be looking like; our inboxes filled with daily fit tips and ways to slim down, torch calories, and shave off that inner thigh. It's us girls, us women, too, who criticize each other, making us feel more insecure about how others perceive we look.
Here's a story: I was 97 pounds and was told by a family member that I was getting "chunky"; and had received similar critiques from this family member on my weight despite how thin I was. At the beginning of high school, as other self-esteem issues weighed down upon me, I developed an eating disorder, one that made me feel like I was battling a monster inside of me, one that made life very painful; each day filled with the highest levels of stress and anxiety, and I was only fourteen years old.
Ironically, at the point where I had begun to look bony, the family member that had formerly criticized me told me that I looked "too thin". I wondered at that moment if it would ever be good enough, for anyone, and thought about all the other women who were at that moment experiencing the same thing; feeling as though they were fighting this uphill battle that had no end in sight.
I got help on my own. Finding a book on perfectionism lying around that allowed me to understand where my values and thoughts derived from, what was causing me to behave the way that I was, why I felt so low about myself that I needed to starve. However, when I finally told my family, I was met with disbelief (literally saying, "That's not true) to silence, and me having to deal with it on my own. And I thought that I did, forcing myself to stop counting calories, letting myself eat all of the things that I hadn't before, and I did return back to a healthy, normal weight.
But my battle wasn't over.
Because I had never talked to anyone about what I was going through, there were still unresolved issues. The reasons I developed an eating disorder in the first place was still there, and I eventually relapsed, though not as drastic as before, but strictly controlling the times in the day that I ate and the portions that I ate, but still allowing myself the food that I wanted. There was finally a point where I realized I needed help, in other aspects of my life, too. And once I started talking, the weight began to lift off of my shoulders, slowly, but surely, shedding a new skin so that a new one could emerge.
I finally felt that I had control over my life, (as one of the reasons people resort to eating disorders is because they feel out of control), and I began the journey of repairing the broken relationships that I had, and most importantly, my own broken self--laying down a strong foundation so that I could rebuild confidence and a healthy self-image. I could finally work out and focus on how good I felt, not how much weight I wanted to lose or how many calories I was going to burn. I could eat healthfully without obsessing about fitting into my pants afterwards. I could be health-conscious, not obsessed with being this idealized version of myself, finally realizing that I was already the version of myself that I wanted to be.
I think what is more important than weight is having real confidence, belief in yourself, and love for yourself. And you don't have those things unless you take the time to build them, and once you do, you'll always be building them, and you'll be able to make healthy decisions for yourself without even thinking about it. And when you're a girl, just growing up, weight shouldn't be emphasized; health should, confidence should. Because why wouldn't a confident, healthy person take care of themselves? And even if other people still have something to say about your weight, what can they say, honestly? If you know you work out, if you make an effort to live the healthiest life you can, than what someone else says is meaningless. So not only should we be taking care of ourselves, because we love ourselves, but we should be instilling that idea in the girls that are looking up to us, who are starting to receive messages about how women should look, how they should be. They need to know what's important, because once you know that, everything else falls into place.
Posted by Alex on January 10, 2012 at 01:50 AM EST #
Posted by instintodvestera on January 10, 2012 at 11:23 PM EST #
Posted by Monica on January 11, 2012 at 02:10 AM EST #